Nectar of the Gods!

Posted on December 6th, 2006 by Mr. Fatuous.
Categories: Food.

Tiny triangular sandwiches with no crusts, mini sausage rolls, weak squash of indeterminate fruit origin, jelly and squirty cream. All tasty and some would say essential ingredients of any party (adults can swap the weak squash for an alcohol punch of equal indeterminate origin.)

All fine and upstanding but all must bow beneath the king of party food. Sometimes presented in hedgehog form, sometimes plainly on a stick, always delicious…

The original and best

THE CHEESE AND PINEAPPLE ON A STICK!

How does one improve on perfection? Where to start? How would I turn gold into platinum and not lead?

How about sticking it into a smoothie maker and making a drink?

Firstly I gathered the ingredients

The ingredients

Pineapple chunks (I used a tin because I’m lazy and I needed the juice)
Cheese (I used mature cheddar. It has to be cheddar with pineapple and mature is that bit crumblier)
Ice (Nobody wants warm cheese and pineapple now do they)
A cheese string for garnish (optional)

Time to get preparing

As I had a tin of pineapple I didn’t have to do anything with that. If you were using a whole pineapple you’d have to core it, slice off the outside bit, stab yourself in the hand, swear, try and catch all the juice and still end up with brown bits in it.

The cheese needed grating. The smoothie maker was used to nice soft bits of fruit. I wasn’t going to risk the wife coming home to find the smoothie maker in the bin with a lump of cheese wedged under the blades. Your wife may be more understanding, you may get away with rolled eyes and a tut, I wasn’t taking that chance. Besides I’m the risk taking pioneer here, you can just turn round and say you were copying a recipe off the internet, I couldn’t as I was writing the recipe.

Now’s a good time to prepare the cheese string. Just peel back the stringy bits until they’re about half way down. Do this all the way round to create a fan. If in doubt ask a child how a cheese string works as they know all about such things.

It's cheese and pineapple party time!

Grind it baby

Now the fun bit.

Add the ice, pineapple chunks, cheese and a fair bit of the pineapple juice into the smoothie maker.

Blender of joy

Now blitz it as you would any smoothie. I did it for about 30 seconds in the vague hope of getting rid of the lumpy bits. I also hoped the ice would grind the cheese into submission.

Lovely mixture

I was wrong. The resulting mixture looked like monkey sick. Doubts were forming in my mind. However while the devils of monkey sick doubt were banging at my eyeballs the angels of cheese and pineapple goodness were filling my nostrils with party joy.

Good triumphed over evil and the drink was nearly complete.

The moment of truth

I poured the mixture into a glass and added the cheese string. It looked pretty damn cosmopolitan from where I was standing.

A thing of wonder

Now the moment of truth…

Down the hatch

How did it taste? Like a supermodel with varicose veins, gorgeous but with bothersome lumps.

The taste was pure cheese and pineappley goodness but the cheese did have a habit of sticking to the teeth and throat.

To quote some old cheese recipe book. Have cheese, have friends, have fun!

Share

Related posts:

  1. Irn Bru Update
  2. If Variety is the Spice of Life…

14 comments.

rutty

Comment on December 6th, 2006.

Matt, this is a genius recipe! I shall be trying this as soon as I can be bothered buying a smoothie maker. And cheese, pineapple and cheese strings. And Ice.

Love the site design too!

Spam

Comment on December 6th, 2006.

Nice recipe but you forgot one key ingredient…….te stick!
Cheese and Pineapple ON A STICK. That’s the path that must be followed if tastebud heaven you seek.

The solution here is clear, ditch the cheese string (A bit Heston Blumenthal I think you’ll agree) and freeze the smoothie onto a stick. Wait six months et voila, perfect summer chapple pops.

Still I might give this a go i its current form, no smoothie maker at home so I’ll have to mash the cheese with the back of a spoon and whisk it in with the pineapple.
Have Cheese,
Have Pineapple,
Have chapple smoothie.

Caramelly

Comment on December 11th, 2006.

Very brave of you Monsieur Q to sample the smoothie. Must say that the cheese string on the finished product looks like a banana skin… (see the “Now the moment of truth” photo)
Why not use a cocktail parasol? You’d have the stick -to be faithful to the original recipe- and a glamourous drink, or is it a meal?.
Might try it, love pineapple and cheese on a stick, not sure about the lumpy cheesy bits though… Using frozen grated cheddar should do the trick.
Your 60′s wallpaper’ really cool BTW!

hayley

Comment on January 12th, 2007.

What about cheese and pineapple’s poor cousin, namely cheese and a wee pickled onion on a stick? I think a cheese and pickled onion smoothy would be delicious, not taking into account the effects in may have on one’s gaseous emissions.

Adrian in Dallas

Comment on January 13th, 2007.

One of the more fabulous inventions ever to grace a bagel is pineapple cream cheese (in America the brand called “Philadelphia” is perfectly delicious for this purpose). My suggestion, then, is a PINAPPLE CREAM CHEESE SMOOTHIE! Because the pineapple in the commercially-prepared cream cheese is already chopped into wee bits, lumps are minimized easily. Are you up to that, mking? (And, by the bye, is that you looking so completely WASTED as you test-sip the “smoothie” in the photo above? Your eyes say you’re prefer a Guiness smoothie…)

Mr. Fatuous

Comment on January 13th, 2007.

I’ve tried that pineapple cream cheese. I’m afraid it’s nothing but a synthetic charlatan, I wolf in cheese clothing if you will.

They say the eyes are the windows of the soul. Those very eyes are mine and those eyes had stayed up to 4 o’clock in the morning drinking vodka and playing online poker. Hence the glassy dead eyes of a freshly gutted fish instead of the usual bright sparkling pools of joy. Look at them, they’re so tired they can’t even be bothered to have symmetrical bags underneath them.

Dave

Comment on January 13th, 2007.

dude, why not freeze teh smoothie into cubes and stick the cocktail sticks in them so you have frozen cheese and pineapple on a stick!

Carling in a Stella glass

Comment on January 14th, 2007.

This is an absolute top notch effort. The stick is not important here, as for freezing, when was the last time you had a frozen pineapple and cheese stick? This whole experiment works for me and I shall be trying it in the near future. Best thing since Frasers ostrich scotch egg.
Keep ‘em coming.

Wh|te Russian

Comment on January 17th, 2007.

*omg*
This is so wrong it’s good!
Now where to get me a nice total blender….

Chriiiiiiis

Comment on January 17th, 2007.

As a food technologist I feel I should help with your monkey sick texture problems. How about pre-preparing a nice cheese sauce and cooling it down before blending?

Alternatively, simply sieve the pasta out of around 6 cans of macaroni cheese – win!

Mr. Fatuous

Comment on January 17th, 2007.

Have you seen what happens to cheese sauce when it cools down? It’s just replacing the monkey sick texture with baby sick.

I appreciate the input of a food technologist though, even though I don’t have the faintest idea what one is. Do you measure the internal angles of dairylea triangles?

Chriiiiiiiiis

Comment on January 17th, 2007.

I was hoping that even if it set, the blending action would mean the little cheesy particles would stay small in size, bit like making ice cream, and thus slide down the throat much easier. This clearly requires some experimentation.

How I dream of Dairlylea measurement! I’m afraid I have to check all fresh produce coming into the UK is free from erotic shapes, to help ensure ‘Thats Life’ never gets back on the telly ;-)

Mr. Fatuous

Comment on January 18th, 2007.

Chriiiiiiiiis, I don’t wish to alarm you but I think working with erotic veggies has had a drastic side-effect. Your i’s appear to be breeding. At this rate you’ll be Chriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis before the end of the week.

Toby

Comment on March 7th, 2007.

Just to give you some background info on the cheese & pineapple phenonemon. There is a rumour going round that TV’s Judith Hann invented the iconic party snack but unfortunately I can discount this as the rumour was put about by myself and an esteemed colleague. I did manage, however, to get “Judith Hann Cheese and Pineapple” written in hieroglyphics on the set of a recent Cleopatra film.
Keep up the good work. Maybe a full English breakfast drink could be next on the menu.

Leave a comment

Comments can contain some xhtml. Names and emails are required (emails aren't displayed), url's are optional.