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Posted on January 25th, 2008 by Mr. Fatuous.
Categories: Food.
As promised last week here’s the second recipe for making meat equivalent snacks of sweets. This week it’s a meat dip. Sounds delicious already doesn’t it? This recipe is even easier than last weeks.
Ingredients
A carton of choc dips
A peperami
Tomato Ketchup
Preperation
Eat the choc dip. I chose to go om nom nom whist eating it. You can use any sound effects you like.
Refill
Now it’s time to make the meaty version.
Fill the choc container part with tomato ketchup. You can wash that bit first if you can be bothered. I couldn’t so I took the gamble of a tomato / chocolate mish-mash. It was fine in the end. Squirty ketchup bottles would be far easy than the glass ones. Who uses glass ketchup bottles these days. Get with the plastic program Grandad, no you don’t even need a knife to get the stuff out!
Now we need the meaty dips. Using a spare bready stick thing from the choc dip I cut the peperami to length. You get about 3 bits from a peperami if you’ve accidentally eaten all the sticks and are having to guess.
You’ll have noticed the meat is thicker than the stick so you’ll have to cut each bit in half lengthways. Warning - Wild peperami can be tricky creatures. They like to dive out of the way at the last second so you cut through your finger instead. If in doubt ask an adult. What do you mean you are an adult?
Now you can pop them in the pot and your meaty snack is complete.
All that remains left to do now is enjoy!
No I don’t know what’s going on with my eyes. I mustn’t have slept well.
No idea what’s going on with my face either. I’m sure it doesn’t look like that normally.
Yes I am wearing the same t-shirt as last week. That’s because I did them at the same time. The weeks gap is a man-made delay in a desperate attempt to create tension. That and I know I’ll probably be too busy to do anything for a while again. I’m nothing if not inconsistent.
Feel free to suggest other fun food / drink ideas and maybe I’ll do them for you. Normal moaning service will resume soon.
Posted on January 19th, 2008 by Mr. Fatuous.
Categories: Food.
This recipe is sadly nothing to do with the pornographic practice of double dipping, not that I would know anything about such a practice and even if I did, which I don’t, I wouldn’t advertise such a fact on the internet.
No, this recipe is for people who love kiddie sweets but who love the great taste of meat more.
Ingredients
Peanuts
Peperami or other thin salami type snack
A packet of Double Dip (possibly two in case of mistakes)
Cayenne pepper or chilli flakes
A craft knife or scissors
Preperation
Carefully open the packet of Double Dip. I sliced one side of the top with a craft knife. Empty the contents out. These won’t be used again so I tried to make a nice zen garden.
I then made a new label based on the existing one. In reality I just stuck the Meat Fairy from the wondrous Beaver and Steve onto the packet and changed the wording slightly. If you want to do this at home but can’t be bother with the packet here’s a copy of the label. Here it is in all it’s glory.
The Fillings
To create the first filling I emptied the peanuts into a bowl.
Then I carefully put the nuts back leaving the dry roasted dust behind. It’s this dust we want. If you wanted to make it super meaty you could use pork scratching dust instead. Some nuts leave more dust than others. It’s a nut lottery but supermarket home brands seem to be better. This packet was useless.
Then we carefully insert the powder into one of the slots in our packet.
For the second slot I used cayenne pepper and inserted it in the same way. It’s nice to get two different flavours.
To make the meat swizzle stick I took a peperami and cut it to the same length as the original swizzle stick.
Then I stuffed it into the packet. This can be a bit tight. Anyone who has seen Richard Herring’s ménage à un will know what I’m talking about. Check out clip two (and then buy the DVD.) You may chose to slice the peperami in half to make it easier. As a found out for next weeks recipe slicing a peperami in half is actually quite tricky if you don’t want to lose a lot of blood. I’m such a tease, mentioning next week’s recipe before I’ve even finished this one.
Enjoy
All that’s left to do is kick back, relax and enjoy the meaty taste. Or if you’re me you could also try having a shave instead of looking like a fucking tramp.
More meaty fun next week!
Posted on November 8th, 2007 by Mr. Fatuous.
Categories: Food.
…our work vending machine is like buying scampi and chips at a curry house.
Here is the crisp section of our vending machine.
The camera on my phone isn’t great so I’ll describe it for you.
The top row consists of bags of cheese and onion crisps. The sort that have ridges.
The next row consists of a bag of ordinary cheese and onion crisps, a sneaky bag of salt ‘n’ shake crisps hiding another bag of cheese and onion crisps, spring onion crisps which taste identical to the first bag of cheese and onion crisps and then a bag of cheese and onion crisps by a different company.
The last row is a packet of “low fat” cheese and onion crisps and prawn cocktail.
The empty slot you see probably contained another nasty flavour like beef but at least it wasn’t fucking cheese and wanking onion so it was snapped up like it was made of Keeley Hazell.
I went for the prawn cocktail and pretended that Keeley just hadn’t washed for a while.
