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Posted on December 25th, 2009 by Mr. Fatuous.
Categories: Advent.
Poor little Sally, she fell off a building onto heroin syringes whilst rescuing her little sister from a gang of Columbian drug lords armed with chainsaws.
Her legs crushed, arms brittle twigs, blind and forced to breathe through a machine, every day is a terrible struggle.
And then to make things worse along came Noel Edmonds, looming over her, drenching her in saccharine.
Merry Christmas little Timmy, Merry Christmas everyone*
* Even Noel**
** but mainly for swap shop***
*** and that was mainly for the dinosaur****
**** and Cheggars
Posted on December 24th, 2009 by Mr. Fatuous.
Categories: Advent.
Did you see Never Mock the Cats of the Year Quiz last night?
In the bad old days when dinosaurs roamed the earth if you missed one of the many Christmas treats that was it, you were fucked. You studied the Radio Times like it was a sacred text, scared of missing a vital program or film you wanted to watch. Fights broke out if two shows clashed (and it was really only two shows that could ever clash.) I was once allowed to stay up way past my bedtime one Christmas eve to catch the Kenny Everett Christmas Special. I could of course pretend it was Hot Gossip I was interested in but in reality I was more eager to see Captain Kremmen or maybe watch Tony Blackburn humiliated.
Now if you manage to miss a program when it’s shown on BBC 1, repeated on BBC 3 six times, a further 4 times with signing for the deaf, fail to Sky+ it and forget about iplayer then you my friend are a tool of the highest order.
Posted on December 23rd, 2009 by Mr. Fatuous.
Categories: Advent.
As I dropped the kids off at the pool I noticed my wife had bought some Christmas toilet paper.
I wonder if real penguins are as soft and absorbent?
